Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
