All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
They took my balls.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
