I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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