i'm signing you up for texting rehab
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
