I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
