i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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