im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
