god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She said her name was "party"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
