So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
