the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize