you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
