A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
