Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
