oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
