This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
