and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
