some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
