Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
