your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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