Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
