I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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