I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Its about making memories worth repressing
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize