You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
