my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
