def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
