Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
