Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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