I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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