okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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