Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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