I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
