Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize
