if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
