i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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