ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
