I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
