I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
