Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
