Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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