Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
