Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
