I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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