if you like me you must not know who I am
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
