The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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