College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
