The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize