farters have to be the big spoon...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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