hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
