I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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