Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
As shirtless as possible
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize