my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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