you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
