You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
