I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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