Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
