well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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