Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
