Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
