Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
